I really want to start living a bit more consciously. Like living with an understanding of others and putting their needs before my own. I don't know if that will make me feel any better about what's happened over the past few weeks/months but I want to try. Who knows. 

I did yoga this morning and it was a very calming time, but my anxiety returned as soon as I was left with enough time to start thinking about shit again. 

I want Milly to reply to me. I'm worried about sending a message to Olly. I'm just very confused about a lot of things and it's making me feel nervous about the future. 

Sophie expressed that she doesn't think she really got over me before so that's another thing I need to consider for the rest of the holiday, I don't wanna lead her on again.

I'm just a bit all over the place today. But we're going to the science museum and maybe an art gallery today and I think that might be nice :) 

I'm trying so hard to be better. I hate the person I am right now and I want to be better. I just don't know if it's in me to be better. Maybe this is just how I am. Selfish and inconsiderate and manipulative and just terrible. 

I guess I'll see. 

Over and out, 

Gloves. xx