So, I need to get these ideas out of my brain.
Alices party happened on the 28th-29th of September.
On the friday I met up with Dan after school. We talked shitloads about random subjects and the brother insisted on bothering us quite a bit with his "show-and-tell" craze.... yep.
So Smurf arrived (in a freaking SMURF COSTUME, which he'd purchased a couple of days before) and Dan disappeared.
Completed my Edward Scissorhands (yes!) costume and then we set off (though not before some truly embarrassing photos, as per usual).
Arrived at Alices. Twas awesome. In a word.
Started on the Cider after stepping into the kitchen and did a bit of shimmying and photographing before people started a game of "Never Have I Ever". It was going fairly smoothly. Then people decided to pick on me which was slightly embarrassing. Meh. That game quickly moved onto truth or dare, including things like "Kiss every girl in the room!" and "Shelly, give Gloves a lapdance, that's a great idea!!!" ¬_¬ huh.
Saw some guys going upstairs looking morbid so I followed behind to see what was going on. Ended up having a small talk with Zilla and other girls about men. Venting then was quite nice. We all agreed so much that we decided to have a little girl time - all of us going into the "sofa room" at the end of the corridor and generally chatting. H was quite drunk by this time and all she did was rant about how good her boyfriend was in bed (trying to make the rest of us jealous). :P
Many girl moments followed. Someone had the good idea of making sure that everyone got at least one Hickey. Though people were complaining that I shouldn't do them so good, and that they had work the next day. XD Fun times. Uh, unbuttoned Shellys top because of the "I love your bra!" moment we had downstairs, and started raving about the bra again. We eventually thought it was mean to leave her topless on her own, so instead of giving her top back, we all decided in our drunken state of minds to take our tops off as well.... Don't ask. I left briefly to go to the loo and Hatter came with me.
We talked about a couple of subjects that couldn't be talked about sober.... though I can't remember half of the conversations, I'm sure they went okay because we're still talking to one another.
Uh. Got back. Became involved in a pileon. Ended up on top of Shelly. Yeah. She convinced me to give her a hickey. Somehow that became a small kissing session. I hardly remember it, but I'm pretty sure it happened... I think? And I feel really bad about it. I mean. It was cheating on Smurf. But at the time I couldn't bring myself to care. I really don't feeling like that though, which is why I don't want to get drunk again. It always leads to bad things happening, even if you think they're good at the time. Meh.
People decided more alcohol was needed and Shelly offered to come get some more with me. We got slightly sidetracked as we walked down the hall because this is the moment when we discovered the Fish Room. I saw the door open a little bit and got drawn in by the glowness. :P
We sat watching them for a while, waiting for more to appear and trying to desperately remember the name of the father of Nemos name. Eventually we decided that we should stop discussing deep subjects and actually retrieve the alcohol like we were meant to. Unfortunately, the last of the alcohol had been taken by Smurf, so instead we danced with everyone (including Millie) until she decided to "hang" with some guys. :P Instead, Shelly and I went back upstairs to the fish room again. Interrupted by Charlie a moment later. This eventually led to us all lying on the ground, singing the entire first half of "Welcome to the Black Parade". It was a drunken wonder to behold. :P
More talks. This time about less serious topics, though I'm sure I voiced my utter jealousy towards Hatter numerous times. I just can't help it. :/
Said goodbye to most people and then ventured downstairs once more to talk with the remaining people at the party. Some genius decided to suggest that turning off the lights was an excellent idea.
This led (somewhat oddly) to Shelly and I making out, with Smurf sitting at my feet. Gosh it was weird. But she is really quite good at it, that or I was too drunk to care. And surprisingly, watching the two of them was sortof a turn-on. So yeah. That was that. I felt terrible about it the morning after of course. But what could I do apart from apologise. God. Alcohol. ¬_¬
Went to bed shortly after that. Between Shelly and Millie because I didn't want to be on the end. :P Selfishness. I'm such a bed-hogger. XD
So this all leads me to the big question. My sexuality. What am I? Because I'm really starting to get confused about it. I want to experiment, but being in a relationship keeps me from doing that.
Recently, I've noticed that my observations of people have changed. I notice little things in girls that I used to look for in guys, and I take less and less notice of the guys around me, or at least I don't "assess the alternatives" in guys as frequently (yay psychology). It's like, the only guy I now care about sexually is my boyfriend. Which should be a good thing, so why am I worried?
What if I start going off him too? I 'm genuinely scared of my own feelings. It's a stupid thought process, but what if I end up liking girls more that guys, or go off guys all together. Where does that leave Smurf and I? I don't want that to happen. God I don't. I love him for goodness sake. But the issue stands. And I need to focus on the answer. I don't want this dragging along like the rest of my issues, because as history can tell, it's not good for me to let that happen. :/
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
