Today I felt the urge to hurt myself for the first time in months. I was worried this morning that I'm going backwards, that I'm heading back down into that darkness and that I'd just end up where I was back in October with no way out this time. 

I don't want to go back there. I want to prove that I'm stronger this time. I really do. 

I'm trying to plan things today. To get things under control. To make sure its all layed out so all I have to do is follow the plan. But I'm so scared that all its going to take is one tiny slip from the path and I'll suddenly find myself falling and falling and won't be able to stop until I'm sitting back on my bed with a razor blade in my hand and an even deeper more permanent, more final cut on my wrist. Please. I don't want to go back there. 

I'm trying goddammit. Just leave me alone. 

Over and out, 

Gloves. xx 

Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi. That man just makes you feel like you want to keep going. That someone somewhere cares. I know they care now, it just took some time for me to see it. 

The gift of Love and Loss

"She was the love of my life. But with love comes loss, son. It's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it. There's no greater gift than love."

Watched How To Train Your Dragon Three today, and this quote really resonated with me.

I understand it. I feel I'm in a better place now despite my hardships. I thought I lost the people I needed, but all it did was lead me to the people who truly care. And for that I am so grateful. ❤

Over and out,

Gloves xx