A December Catchup.

I've decided that I will just have to stop talking to him. It may be hard but I've found a good place to draw and write now - in the stairwell to B1 - it's quiet and not many people go down there.

^---- That was a LOOOOONG time ago. And a lot has happened since then.

I was talking with Stark every other day and then one time, Smurf followed me and decided to sit with me. It started pretty normally. He would look at my drawings, I would listen to music and we would both joke around a bit. He sat with me like that most lunch times and everything was great. We slowly and subconsciously sat closer together until in a free period on Monday 05 December he asked me a question: What would you do if I kissed you? Now, I had no idea what to do because every time someone asks you that it means that they intend on doing it. Plus my morals kind of go against kissing outside of relationships so I was pretty torn - seeing as I've wanted to kiss him again since year 9. Basically we discussed things for a bit - Hatter and such and in the end, we kissed.


So yeah, he came to the stairwell again on Thursday and it happened yet again.


And that was it for the week. Though, I was asked to move several times from the stairwell during that week so during my mentoring session on that Friday I was advised to move down a level. So I did. And on the Monday Smurf found me during his break in Physics and assured me that he wouldn't break my morals any more.... and then ended up kissing me anyway. :P That was when I started to feel extremely guilty about Hatter. She is my best friend and I was keeping a secret this big from her. :/

The problem was I really liked Smurf and if she found out then we wouldn't be able to be together. Plus I would loose a friendship and she would hate us both. Smurf would be devastated. I just didn't know what to do. Smurf couldn't decide between us both. As soon as she turned up he would start talking to her and completely ignore her. And I just let it happen, even though it was killing me inside.

On Wednesday 14 December we were talking and he came up with the idea that we tell her about "us" in stages. I was up for it but he had to make the first move. I was concerned at whether it would work and whether he really wanted to do it but I just decided that I would have to deal with whatever he decided. Even if it hurt me. It was the next day, Thursday, that our "relationship" really progressed. We kissed so... passionately that he actually went further than I wanted to, and we ended up in a very odd position but we didn't really care. When I asked him about what he thought we were 'together'-wise, he said that it was like a secret relationship, but I didn't get my hopes up. I just liked him so much and I couldn't bear it if he decided he didn't like me any more. I was afraid to be too clingy, and I still am.

On Friday 16 December, last day of school, Smurf skipped his physics lesson to sit with me in the stairwell. He started inspecting my rings and I noticed that I had left the ring turned around to point towards me from the night before so I corrected it, but he took it off, turned it back around and told me that we were together, even if it was a secret. :D I was literally jumping for joy and I felt really happy so.... yeah. The rest of the day was good. I played "Lego House" on L's guitar and Smurf sang with me. :) Then we hugged goodbye - him wearing the Smurf t-shirt I got him for Christmas, and I koala'd him for a while. :P Then went back to Timmehs and played Dungeons and Dragons (flirting and fucking to gain experience XD)

Revised for the rest of the week. Though on Wednesday I watched Happy Feet and on Friday I went to Northampton to buy an amp and then The Twin came round for a sleepover. We spent half of the night watching Nowhere Boy and the other half playing songs from it :D

Christmas was good. Bill came to stay and after opening some fabulous gifts, including: Severus Snapes Wand; Red Tartan Skinneys; Knee High Converse; and of course the Amp, I played my guitar for the whole of the evening.

On the 26th I went to the next sale and bought some pretty good jumpers and boots and then returned home to my pyjamas, chocolate, and movies. :P

On moms birthday we went to London. That was fun. Saw the Da Vinci exhibition and joked around with the Hopkins'.

The next two days I revised and did not much else. Apart from text Smurf and Jono.
And then I watched Sherlock which was pretty cool. Found Twin in the cinema too :D We had a major awesomeness squealage before we had to depart and resort to texting.

And that is the extent of my weeks catch up. I just wish that he would decide to talk with my Twin about his feelings (if any) for me.

Over and out,

Gloves. xx

Something I found saved on a sticky note from aaages ago....

Look. One part of me loves you to pieces as a friend and likes you a little more than that, and it wants to just remove Hatter from the equation somehow, and it doesn't care if I lose her because I care about you more than I'm... comfortable with. But part of me cant do that to her because when everything dies down, I know she'd always be there for me because as annoying as she can be, she is my best friend and knows everything about me, the only one who does, well apart from this little episode. It's just.... I'm scared because the last time I let someone in, they threw it back in my face and I don't know how people are going to react. I guess I just try to please everyone and end up pleasing no-one. I.... just don't want to make a mistake. The last time I did everything went to shit. Sorry.