I havent been able to get my heart rate down all day. I did manage to go live and didnt cock up too much but even then my heart was racing and this sense of dread was just pushing forwards from the back of my mind and i cant make it stop i just want to go to sleep. I did cheer some people up though. I get messages at least once a week from people saying that my happiness is infectious and that its cheered them up so thats a good thing. I can stick around for that, because at least even if in feeling shitty like this if i put on a smile then it will make other people feel better. I hope its worth it, because if its not then whats the point of life? 

Im hoping the reason im feeling worse today is because of the drinking last night. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and i wont have to fake the happiness again. Cause i really dont want to have to, its so exhausting. 

Over and out, 

Gloves. 

Something i found from a few weeks ago and its kindof the same as how i feel tonight

Feeling really down today and I'm not sure why. I just got out of a social with the quidditch team and i judt feel really empty. I dont really know what to do about it. I think I'm going to do some drawing on my arms instead though.

Over and out, 

Gloves. 

I dont know how i feel tonight. Id probably describe this as anxious? Im aware of my heartbeat and im struggling to sleep because of it. Ie also been thinking of old friends tonight. I dont know what that means but its definitely been affecting my mood. It probably means i should start back up on the meds cause this has been happening a lot more frequently recently. I just wanted to prove i didnt need them. I guess thats not the case. And thats not a bad thing i know that. I am a better person for acknowledging my weaknesses and bettering myself despite them. 

I will thrive, i just need to give myself the right opportunity to do so. 

Over and out, 

Gloves. Xx

Im double as good as i was yesterday so im going to count that as a win! Who needs to be perfectly happy all the time right? Im motivated to finish hades and do a costest of him tonight, and Im also almost finished with megara too! Next step is princess leia :D but after my workout and breakfast bagel of course. Today is going to be a good day! 

Over and out, 

Gloves. xx 

Red Sparrow

Watched a movie. I think the rape and violence of the movie has set off my anxiety as im feeling very on edge tonight. Today ive been feeling a bit all over the place but its definitely gotten worse since finishing the movie. Ive drawn the dice which has helped  hopefully the number will start going up soon. 

Over and out,

Gloves. xx