I got so much done today. And yet the idea that Milly really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore really affected me. 

I hurt myself again today. Another few tally marks to add to the page. 

I want to be strong about this. I know it's probably the alcohol talking. But I really don't want to see next week. I don't see any point. I can't imagine myself feeling any happier. Being any less stressed. This feeling has gone on for so long I cant see there's any way around it. 

I'm disappointed I havent seen all the places I want to seen. I wish there was some way I could do that. But tonight I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. 

And now I have this MH label on my record it's gonna be so fucking hard to get hold of proper sleeping pills. But i suppose I'm gonna have to be patient. 

I'll bide my time. But I'll get there. 

Over and out, 

Gloves.