I don't know what to say. I want to defend myself. But I know that will probably do more harm than good. I just don't know what I'll do if I don't get my side of the story out. 

I understand this situation is my fault and I'm just as much to blame as Jake is. But. 

Jake started coming onto me from the moment I broke up with Tom. He was all over me at pride especially but I was adamant that night I didn't want to bring any more drama to the DnD group than I'd already created. On top of that he's always been so adamant that he and min were in an open casual relationship, in fact they both have been. And it was sort-of believable from the way Jakes constantly been grabbing my arse or making me slightly uncomfortable with a too-long hug. Hell he basically forced himself on me the first lacuna night when I was half asleep on Olives chest. And then constantly messaged me to come to his room to "continue where we left off" or whatever. Which I didn't want to do so I went and chatted with Olive instead. Whatever I'm getting side tracked. The point is that by Saturday morning id had several assurances from his side that he was in an open relationship, topped with min saying they were "more of a thing now" but that was all it was, and the prior knowledge that both of them weren't interested in having a relationship. I know I made assumptions and I'm paying for making them now, and I know that I'm not totally infallible here - I fucked up. I turned a blind eye, didn't check with min, didn't turn Jake down. I fucked up hard. I just want my perspective to be a little clearer. I dunno. It's not going to change things. Not going to help in any way. The damage is done. Trust has been broken. And there's no way shes going to want to speak to me again. 

I'm just feel like I'm in a lose lose situation here. If I try to explain I risk upsetting her further and ruining any chance of her getting back with Jake and she hates my guts for ruining that. If I stay silent, let her draw her own conclusions she and Jake potentially get back together and she still hates my guts. But at least she's happy in the second option. 

Even though I'll be miserable because I've lost the best friend I've ever had. It's probably the right call to make. 

This sucks.