I am a toxic person. I infect other people with my toxicity and sour their lives. Like a vine slowly growing up a healthy flower until I choke the life out of them and leave them to wither and die. 

If I never learn from my mistakes then what's the point in trying. I might as well just leave because it's the only way I can actually protect the people I care about from my selfish selfish attitude and actions. 

I just want to hit myself and hurt myself and claw out my insides. The amount of times I've imagined just stabbing a knife into my gut today is unhealthy and each time it becomes more and more vivid. Are isn't helping today. I'm trying so hard but I just can't get these fucking thoughts out of my head. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why can't I just die already.