We just watched a sad movie about a broken marriage and it wasn't that sad but I'm crying and I cant stop feeling sad and this is not how I want to welcome in a new decade dammit because I've been feeling so happy lately and this little voice in the back of my head keeps reminding me that this always happens and I feel like I'm doing good again but then suddenly I'm not and everything goes to shit once again and I don't want it to this time because i have plans this time. Big plans. They may not involve the people I want to involve because they no longer associate with me, but I still have plans. Which I didn't have before. And I was so fucking happy that I was able to make them. To visualise them happening. To create a goal and ways to work towards the ideas I have for these plans. But now what. If I'm sad again am I going to hold onto these visualisations or are they going to slip away and out of my grasp like everything else? Will I sink into this pit of despair for good this time?
I hope not. But I'm really not so sure anymore.
There's less than an hour to go before the new year, the new decade and what I want more than anything else in the world is for someone to reassure me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, that it's going to work out eventually. And what I want even more than anything else in the whole world is to believe them.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
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