So, let me get this straight. You think that I waited til you were out of the library so that I could attract Lukes attention and sabotage your relationship. Ah, no. You are just delusional.
When Cheryl left the library, I was hung up on trying to figure out why she would say those sorts of things about me. And it got me thinking. If Cheryl talks about me behind my back, what if other people are too? I mean, it's to be expected right? Especially now this has come to light. I know that Hannah gives me evils, I've caught her, but that's only recently really (thanks to some people...). Jenny must too. She supports what Cheryl is saying in these posts for some reason. - (I know this fact because she commented on the first post. Though she deleted her first comment.....
) And Sophie must dislike me too, seeing as she's good friends with all three girls mentioned here. And if they do talk about me, what do they talk about? Do they talk about how flawed my personality is? Do they bitch about how I "treat" Jordan or how I "flirt" with other guys? Does it stop there? Or do they start talking about how much I'm attention seeking (jenny mentioned that when we were talking about cutting) and how my life choices are all wrong? How many others would agree with them? Am I really that much of a bitch, because the more I think about it, the more I start to believe it to be honest. I know I shouldn't let this get to me, but I really can't help it. I hate people talking behind my back, when they don't have the guts to say it to my face, and it's making my really insecure. I don't go out of my way to be mean to people. In fact, at school I go out of my way to avoid people to be honest. Is that where I'm going wrong? Meh. I digress.... A lot. Anyway, I was busy ranting about all of the above and somewhere along the line I must've started crying because the next thing I know, Luke is crouching down beside me asking me what's wrong. I explained a little bit, but kept it short because I knew that he was risking getting moaned at by Cheryl if she found out he was talking to me. Anyways, he suggested I talk to her and walked off.
Later, Cheryl was moaning at him about something (probably about talking to me...) and as soon as I noticed, I walked out of the library to my exam room. I entered that room more distracted and more shaken than I've ever entered any exam and I know I failed. What makes it worse is that I know I could've done better, but I let my feelings and insecurities get the better of me, because that's what happens. Fuck.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
P.S. Spoke to Jenny briefly before the exam. She suggested Cheryl's just scared. I agree, but its a mild form of paranoia rather than being scared, if anything because she's making stupid things up. And even if you were scared, why would you get that angry about nothing? O.o
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