Halloween Social...

The 6th Form Social was a success. Sort of.

I was in one of my moods for the day which didn't help. They've been coming more frequently recently, and for longer periods of time. I don't like it. At all.

So anyway. Yesterday was one of them.

Le cousin came over and we watched Frankenstein whilst "tea-bagging" my bandages (her words not mine... XD)
Shelly arrived  and we started getting ready. Opened the alcohol and started the drinking for the evening. Got dressed and took a few pictures before picking up The Giant One. Got to Remis', met up with people... and then..... Bam. So began the stupidity. Shelly wanted to dance and then we kissed. In front of Smurf. Because I'm an idiot. ¬_¬ Anyway, after he decided to ignore me for the evening, I decided to try and put it aside for the night, because honestly, I was having a bad enough week already and this was supposed to be something that cheered me up. So I went dancing. We did a lot of that for a very long while actually.
Eventually Shelly decided she was bored of just dancing so she grabbed the nearest willing boy and made out with him. Happened to be a topless Will P. Who knew. :P
So yeah. We pulled them apart eventually and started dancing again. Everyone left to get some drinks so Shelly and I were dragged into the middle of a group of guys to "dance with them" but Shelly didn't like them so... ya know... we kissed instead. And everyone went completely crazy about it. Luckily they only recognised Shelly (from the kiss with WP earlier) so I wasn't harassed by them later on.
Yeah. So after that long-ish shenanigan, we left to procure more alcohol, with Le Cousin. That trip was fairly uneventful, but we did have to keep Shelly from climbing up a lamppost.
When we all entered the club again, Shelly ran off immediately. We found her two minutes later, lip locked with a guy who looked about 23. We ended that pretty swiftly and dragged her back to the seats.
When people went off to dance I started to feel the effects of my bad mood which I'd been trying to fend off with other activities (like dancing and kissing and drinking and such). I couldn't block it out any longer so I took a trip to the bathroom and cried for a little while. And then did some other stuff which I'm not particularly proud of. When I had re-applied my bandages I came back out to find that no-one had missed me, which I was pleased about, so no-one suspected what I'd been doing. However, The Cousin spotted that I wasn't feeling too good about something (call it family intuition) so suggested we go out for a walk. After finding the drink, we went walking and talked for a while. I told her about the pain which had just taken place and she scolded me for it (as per usual). We discussed a few other things like why I subdued my feelings, and why I find it hard to talk to people about my moods, and what causes them but that's all a bit vague in my mind.
We eventually walked back and joined the party. (Tried to talk to Smurf but he ran off before I could say anything to him). Cleughy shot me with some vodka (literally, it was a gun with vodka in it) and then gave it to someone to fill up.
Did some more dancing - found the others and tried to talk to Smurf (again).
Shelly wanted another drink, and I got given the gun to fill up, so we went off and filled it with peach schnapps. Talked with Shelly about things and headed back to the club again.
Found people on the dance floor (Shelly and Shadbolt) and danced to Gangham Style with them. :D Another song came on and Shelly declared it turned her on, and then proceeded to bite my neck. It's my weak spot, what can I say. After that kiss I ran off to the loo's again and... well, that happened, for the second time in the night. But I only did that because I knew that what I was doing was wrong, so it was only punishment which I deserved.
Found Le Cousin and declared we should leave, so we tried to round up everyone. Smurf looked upset, but I knew he'd just ignore me so I tried to arrange our taxi with Hatter and The Giant One instead. Unfortunately, Hatter seemed adamant that we talk to one another before the night was out.
We went for a walk together. And talked a tiny bit, but it wasn't really.... talking. I was just feeling numb about doing something wrong and upsetting him again.
After that, we got in a taxi and left. Smurf texted me during that ride. I couldn't believe how much that word hurt so much. I think it hurt me more because I knew it was true, but still, after I got out, I had to be taken on a walk around the village for about an hour by The Cousin before I was calm enough to go home.
During that walk, we also talked quite a bit about feelings for people and such. I just can't help how jealous I get of Hatter. I know that you always feel some sort of attraction to an ex so... when they're together it always hits me that maybe he prefers her company to mine. I mean, every time he's upset or frustrated, he goes to her rather than me. And she always accepts that and subconsciously uses that time to get closer to him again. I just, I miss him when he goes off with her. I don't know what I'd do if he got back together with her. On top of all my other problems...
We eventually got home and went straight to bed. Well, The Cousin did. I spent a little while longer thinking about my paranoia and other.... problems that I have. I cut again. Basically. Because I do that when I over think things.

Today -
I woke up in the most terrible mood. I just didn't talk to anyone for the whole day. It made me feel more secure.
Meh.

Over and out,

Gloves. xx