Vent Of Feelings - Crappness of crap.

So, i told him to do it today. he bugged and bugged and i just didnt know how to explain so instead i just blurted out that he should get over me and didn't get a chance to really tell him why and such. :/

I then had a bit of a wander round the school to try to calm down. unfortunately i didnt and had to try to keep myself from crying infront of everyone. that took effort. it also made it look like i was ignoring smurf and others too. it sucked. eventually everyone left apart from cleughy and i just broke down and sobbed into his shoulder for a while. felt a bit better afterwards... but only a little. i then proceded to help him with his relationship problems (even though i shouldnt be asked to help with them at all.) i hope i helped him a little.

I explained to cleughy that i might have started to like smurf again. so the only way to un-fuck-up his life is to get him to hate me. thats what i have to do. get him to hate me. that way if i do decide to go away then no-one will be affected. thats what im thinking anyway. unfortunately its not that simple. i get bursts of his smell every now and then and it kills me because it fuels whatever thing is burning at the back of my heart. :/ the thing is - hatter still likes him. which means that if i like him it would kill her. so even though it pains me to say it - i have to try and get over him once again. each time i do it engraves a little more of him into my heart but i have to do this to help hatter be happy, and that's what she deserves.

the giant one returned and i explained the whole situation to him again. he told me of his plot to destroy his ex's life.... yeah. :P

I ran off to the field with cleughy just before everyone arrived to avoid awkward conversations arising. i was planning to stay away from e3veryone at lunch but after cleughy and i asked one another some personal questions and then the giant one joined us, smurf and chan arrived. :/ i was really quite confuzzled because he acted as if id said nothing and yet i was dying inside. i got past that and eventually it was how it was before. really nice.... we left the field and such.... i talked with the others at the top benchy bit before and then left.

i thought that was going to be it but then twin and i walked le dog together and then ate sweets and went back to mine and had a talk fest. ate pizza. had a major talk fest about all of our feelings and such, and i felt bad for having to lie to her about my feelings for smurf. D:
listened to a bit of music, and then listed the pros and cons of smurf and stiffy. that was fun for a while. XD

she had to go home eventually though :/ rant done.

(i also watched the end of a VPM and had a shower.)

Over and out,

Gloves. xx