An old friend contacted me the other day. It was really nice to chat with him again and hopefully we'll meet up sometime in the Christmas holidays. :)
Tom is being a sweetheart and is keeping me happy most days now. I don't understand how he's so cheerful all the time but I'm glad he is. :) He's "my every line, every word, everything ;)" - and also gets me to listen to ridiculously cheesy songs damnit! :P *shakes fist at sky*
My presentation went well today and I now only have two days left of my placement. I've really enjoyed it so far and hopefully the final two days should go pretty smoothly.
Life is good, and just in time for Christmas too :P
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
Thursday, 11 December 2014
Insecurities
Gregs op went really well. He's doing better than expected and has already been moved off CCU and is now on the main ward. Just recovery to worry about now. Things are looking up so that's one less thing to stress about :) that said I've been in an odd state of calm for a few days now and while that's a good thing I'm sortof apprehensive about what's coming up.... Because there's always got to be something....
Recently I've been letting my imagination run away with me and I keep thinking that Toms going to do something or I'm going to ruin us in some way...which I don't truly believe will happen but hey. I'm insecure and having images of my boyfriend going off with someone else is the norm. Especially when he tells me stories of his nights out which include having thoughts about other girls during a massage, getting kicked out for strongly coming onto one of his friends, and not being able to remember the second half of the event.....
Whatever. I'm used to it.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Saturday, 29 November 2014
Fuck.
I'm gonna relapse. I know it. It's gonna happen soon. I hate feeling like this. I'm waiting for it to happen. I'm so stupid.
Friday, 28 November 2014
Stressed.
I think the stress is getting to me.
The only thing that seems to make me better now is distraction. Yesterday at dance I wasn't worrying about anything other than the steps we were learning and it was really refreshing. Even if I was absolutely shattered yesterday and really hated myself for going afterwards it was sortof worth it. The alternative would have been sitting in my room crying on and off for no reason. Which sucks by the way. It feels like I can't control my own emotions sometimes. I panic and start crying at random moments when I'm on my own. I think it's because I overthink things. I'm worrying about my workload at placement and the responsibility that's being put on me and I'm questioning my decisionmaking skills and trying to organise my work when I get back. And on top of that I'm worrying about messing things up with Tom and getting things sorted with the house. And I still haven't done my essay.
I keep having these dreams lately. And I'm really afraid of them actually coming true. But weirdly... I kindof want some of it to happen tbh. In this dream I have had for the last three nights I have a massive breakdown and just release all of my pent up stress and frustration at myself. Which I think would be great. If I can find a way to release it all without progressing to what happens next. Which is a relapse. A huge one. Like all over my arms and legs and not eating for weeks and generally becoming numb to everything and ignoring everyone and just getting on with everything on my own for months on end. A bit like what happened in year 12. Only shittier. Because I lose everyone close to me and this time round I actually care about them. And that's why I'm trying to hold my shit together. I haven't relapsed even a little bit and to be honest I'm quite proud of myself for that :)
Yesterday I was meant to meet up with Tom but because of things that happened on the ward I couldn't and that sucked. Had a slight panic attack on the way to dance about nothing and everything but dance took my mind off things which was good. Accidentally cried in front of my mother which was a little bit of suck because she has enough on her mind right now. But yeah. Had a reasonably early night. Though everyone in the house was being loud until I shouted. They're really annoying me lately actually because they expect me to do everything and just aren't being responsible or mature and I can't deal with their stupidity right now.
Whatever. I'm supposed to be doing research at work right now so I'd better do that.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Thursday, 6 November 2014
Unwanted, irrational feelings.
So I suppose a lot of things have happened recently.
And I want to say that everything's great all of the time.
Unfortunately things don't seem to work like that... And although the majority of things in my life are going well, like I'm in my second year of uni and haven't screwed it up yet, and I have a fantastic boyfriend who treats me like I'm the best thing in his life (besides golf and quidditch ;) ) even though I'm not too sure I deserve it (but he's always telling me that I am so I'm trying to raise my self esteem for his sake), and I'm friends with Jenny again, and all of this good stuff, but the thing is things in my mind are getting bad again.
I'm surrounded by so much cheerfulness and affection and general good and somehow I'm can't help but feel sad. And that makes me pissed off at myself. I should be feeling the best I have in a long time, things are wonderful. Yet every time I have a good day, three bad ones follow. It might just be a sad feeling that grows and fades throughout the day that I can blame on the stress of university and classes and stuff. Or sometimes I wake up feeling utterly shite and tired and grouchy and by the end of the day all I want to do is sleep forever. It could be that something happens that makes me feel bad about myself, like I snap at my friends or I can't fit in a pair of jeans and my first thought is to throw up my breakfast. At least I have a reason for feeling sad in those situations.
But sometimes it just hits me like a train. Like BAM and suddenly I'm numb and I can't feel anything and I'm just sad. Life is boring and I can't deal with anyone being emotional and people are annoying and I can't do anything about it because I don't know why I feel like that. Of course the simple thing to do in that situation would be to talk to someone about it. Tell them what I'm feeling and maybe I'd figure out what made me sad or maybe letting out something would get me feeling better. I'm an idiot though, and even when people say (multiple times I might add) "Are you doing okay?" "You look down, can I help?" or even "Please talk to me, I don't want you going through this on your own" I will always reply with something along the lines of "I'm fine, I'll talk to you later". Idiot. I know full well that talking will help and yet I refuse to seek out people and the comfort they offer. I could blame it on a childhood of bullying and overbearing parents with no concept of hugging but I should have learned by now that being around people is better than sitting alone, crying continuously, doing something and regretting it later. Ugh. I just hate myself. I want to be happy, and have so many reasons to be. I mean for one of the first times in my life someone significant to me seems happy to see me and treats me like they care all the time... So why the fuck am I still pushing people away and feeling sad?!
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
And I want to say that everything's great all of the time.
Unfortunately things don't seem to work like that... And although the majority of things in my life are going well, like I'm in my second year of uni and haven't screwed it up yet, and I have a fantastic boyfriend who treats me like I'm the best thing in his life (besides golf and quidditch ;) ) even though I'm not too sure I deserve it (but he's always telling me that I am so I'm trying to raise my self esteem for his sake), and I'm friends with Jenny again, and all of this good stuff, but the thing is things in my mind are getting bad again.
I'm surrounded by so much cheerfulness and affection and general good and somehow I'm can't help but feel sad. And that makes me pissed off at myself. I should be feeling the best I have in a long time, things are wonderful. Yet every time I have a good day, three bad ones follow. It might just be a sad feeling that grows and fades throughout the day that I can blame on the stress of university and classes and stuff. Or sometimes I wake up feeling utterly shite and tired and grouchy and by the end of the day all I want to do is sleep forever. It could be that something happens that makes me feel bad about myself, like I snap at my friends or I can't fit in a pair of jeans and my first thought is to throw up my breakfast. At least I have a reason for feeling sad in those situations.
But sometimes it just hits me like a train. Like BAM and suddenly I'm numb and I can't feel anything and I'm just sad. Life is boring and I can't deal with anyone being emotional and people are annoying and I can't do anything about it because I don't know why I feel like that. Of course the simple thing to do in that situation would be to talk to someone about it. Tell them what I'm feeling and maybe I'd figure out what made me sad or maybe letting out something would get me feeling better. I'm an idiot though, and even when people say (multiple times I might add) "Are you doing okay?" "You look down, can I help?" or even "Please talk to me, I don't want you going through this on your own" I will always reply with something along the lines of "I'm fine, I'll talk to you later". Idiot. I know full well that talking will help and yet I refuse to seek out people and the comfort they offer. I could blame it on a childhood of bullying and overbearing parents with no concept of hugging but I should have learned by now that being around people is better than sitting alone, crying continuously, doing something and regretting it later. Ugh. I just hate myself. I want to be happy, and have so many reasons to be. I mean for one of the first times in my life someone significant to me seems happy to see me and treats me like they care all the time... So why the fuck am I still pushing people away and feeling sad?!
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Jordans poem to jenny
So Jenny and I went to a gig tonight and it was pretty cool (like totally awesome, we chatted to Alfie from Hudson Taylor for like half an hour after the show just about music and views on all sorts of things and it was really enlightening and wonderful and really cool) but anyways after we started looking through all my old "little books" and reminiscing about old times which has been pretty wonderful because there have been so many wonderful times in the past and I only usually think about the shitty things. Anyways, I mentioned this poem Jordan wrote for Jenny but never showed her and I realised I'd saved it as a blog post years ago. It seems pretty weird that we've come so far since then. Jenny loved him. Then I loved him. And now we're entirely different people and we can talk about the whole experience without feeling terrible. It happened and to accept that and move on is wonderful.
Anyways, here's the original post:
Without you is a world without birds,
A world without light,
For you I would fight
With all my heart,
But now we’re apart.
Eyes of blue so deep,
That I still see when I’m asleep.
Hair so fair,
You just don’t care
lIps so soft
i think of you oft’
For you were my everything,
Now I’m you nothing
Just a reminder of how much he loved her.... Why do I like torturing myself I wonder?"
So yeah. That was that.
Over and out,
Gloves. Xx
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Old Friendships
Now, my history with friendships and how they turn out isn't particularly the best. And it all started going downhill in year 11. I'm not going to bore anyone with the details because quite frankly its a very long story. If you're extremely interested then I'm sure theres a shitton of blog posts from that time you can go and read.
Of course, all of those opinions are now outdated. I no longer resent or dislike most of the people I disliked back then. In fact, I'm extremely indifferent to the people I used to call my friends. However, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to get back in touch with them.
Since it's the summer and everyone's back from university I thought (spontaneously) that perhaps meeting up with old friends wouldn't be a bad idea. The first attempt fell through. Jordan is in Filey for the summer and so its unlikely that we will get a chance to meet up. That said, I'm glad I asked, because at least it started a conversation, and who knows, we may become friends again.
Next, was a passing thought on my way back from work. After a couple of texts I wasn't just driving past the turning to Nathans house, I was knocking on his door. We went across the road to the Trading Post to have a drink and it was nice to chat and catch up. We've agreed to do it often and because I'm going into town quite often now I hope we can continue to talk again.
The most recent, and most important, catch up I have had this week was with Jenny. Jenny and I have a complicated history, but it began with us being best friends. To the point of sisterhood. We were literally referring to one another as Twin. And we loved it. I enjoyed being around her and I didn't need anyone else as long as I could go to her when I was upset or excited or whatever. What I'm saying is we had (what we thought was) an unbreakable friendship. Unfortunately that wasn't particularly true. Boys and other friends came between us and we drifted. Well I say drifted. It was a bit more sudden than that. More like the crack that forms suddenly during an earthquake and then slowly gets bigger unless someone patches it up. No one patched our gap up. A couple of years later we tried to bridge it but the situation was still too raw and while it didn't make it worse, it seemed like we'd tried and failed and therefore it could never be done. Another year later and we're back at that bridge. I'm not saying its going to be easy to go completely back to the way we were, but after our talk and general chatting, I'm hopeful we can go back to being good friends. Being with her is so easy, because I was with her almost every day for several years, you can't just forget that.
So yeah. I'm looking forward to the rest of the summer, and who knows, I might just get back in contact with another lost friend. I hope so.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Of course, all of those opinions are now outdated. I no longer resent or dislike most of the people I disliked back then. In fact, I'm extremely indifferent to the people I used to call my friends. However, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to get back in touch with them.
Since it's the summer and everyone's back from university I thought (spontaneously) that perhaps meeting up with old friends wouldn't be a bad idea. The first attempt fell through. Jordan is in Filey for the summer and so its unlikely that we will get a chance to meet up. That said, I'm glad I asked, because at least it started a conversation, and who knows, we may become friends again.
Next, was a passing thought on my way back from work. After a couple of texts I wasn't just driving past the turning to Nathans house, I was knocking on his door. We went across the road to the Trading Post to have a drink and it was nice to chat and catch up. We've agreed to do it often and because I'm going into town quite often now I hope we can continue to talk again.
The most recent, and most important, catch up I have had this week was with Jenny. Jenny and I have a complicated history, but it began with us being best friends. To the point of sisterhood. We were literally referring to one another as Twin. And we loved it. I enjoyed being around her and I didn't need anyone else as long as I could go to her when I was upset or excited or whatever. What I'm saying is we had (what we thought was) an unbreakable friendship. Unfortunately that wasn't particularly true. Boys and other friends came between us and we drifted. Well I say drifted. It was a bit more sudden than that. More like the crack that forms suddenly during an earthquake and then slowly gets bigger unless someone patches it up. No one patched our gap up. A couple of years later we tried to bridge it but the situation was still too raw and while it didn't make it worse, it seemed like we'd tried and failed and therefore it could never be done. Another year later and we're back at that bridge. I'm not saying its going to be easy to go completely back to the way we were, but after our talk and general chatting, I'm hopeful we can go back to being good friends. Being with her is so easy, because I was with her almost every day for several years, you can't just forget that.
So yeah. I'm looking forward to the rest of the summer, and who knows, I might just get back in contact with another lost friend. I hope so.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Saturday, 19 April 2014
New Beginnings
So I've had long hair for as long as I've been able to grow it. And I decided that it needed to change. I wanted a change in general so.... This happened.
Hopefully this can be a new start to a new chapter in my life.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Saturday, 22 March 2014
The end.
So Jordan broke up with me.
I can't say i was particularly surprised. I was messing him around quite a bit..... But still. I went up to his place for his birthday..... And I'd prepared this little speech saying how I wanted it to be back the way it was before, and to just forget the past few weeks. I wanted us to snuggle and watch movies and then get carried away and make out and miss half the movie anyway and not care. I wish I'd asked to speak first. Though I suppose if he'd already made up his mind then there wasn't really much my speech could have done about it. Still, it might have been nice to get it off my chest. To tell him I love him for the last time. Because I do. And probably still will for a while.
I'm trying to take my mind off it. I think all the crying helped. And chatting with my mates too. And getting drunk. That helps.
Ugh. I don't know. I'd like to say that I'm not devastated. But I am a bit.
That said. I should have seen it coming.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Sunday, 16 February 2014
Fuming
SO........ Here's the thing.
Jordan and I meet up and do something every two weeks. We arranged to do it from the beginning of uni but it wasn't always doable. However, in January, before anything else was arranged. We checked what we had booked in and planned it properly. And it was working. I went to his and then he came to mine etc. However, on the weekend beginning the 14th of Feb, he had to go home for an orthodontist appointment. So I said I'd go home too so we could carry on meeting up, even though I was going home the week before. I had no other reason to go home, apart from to hang out with Jordan. So yeah. Context sorted.
Now, the week before I'd been messing around and it annoyed Jordan and for the rest of the week we didn't really talk much, but I thought we could sort it out on Friday when I drove him home. Hmmm.... So he got in the car and apart from saying hi and how have things been our conversation didn't exactly bloom. So to start one off, I asked whether "he'd like to see the Lego Movie tonight" (as I was under the impression that we'd only be hanging out at either one of our houses or maybe going for dinner this evening and none of those sounded particularly interesting). However, he needed to know a time because he'd arranged to have Chinese at home tonight.... So obviously I voiced my confusion at his reply and it turned out that he'd forgotten all about meeting up and the next time we would see each other was on Sunday morning to take him back to Birmingham. Basically I was a taxi so he could save money on train tickets. Bastard.
I don't know whether I overreacted but all I know is that I drove all the way home, just to sit around until I had to take him back.... And I wasn't very amused. In fact, we had also arranged for him to come over earlier in the week but when he got upset with me he said he wasn't coming. And later on he said he wouldn't have minded coming, but he was too stubborn to say yes (he actually admitted his stubbornness was the only reason he didn't come). Though I suppose it was good he didn't come over in the end because I invited Ollie instead because I have really missed him and he was great with the kids.
So yeah, I went back at 8:30 on Saturday night. Didn't get in until 11:15 due to various roadworks etc. but it was worth it. Because 1. I didn't have to deal with an hour long journey filled with tense silence, and 2. I woke up to a very relaxed morning as I sorted my essay stuff and read before Quidditch which would otherwise have been filled with point 1.
Sometimes I get very frustrated with him. But he always convinces me its just one of the downs in the relationship and that it will get better, but to be honest, we never talk properly any more and when we do, its mostly disagreements. I'm not happy, and haven't been for a while, but he always convinces me otherwise. I know its going to happen again, and yet I'm stuck in the cycle.
Help.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Jordan and I meet up and do something every two weeks. We arranged to do it from the beginning of uni but it wasn't always doable. However, in January, before anything else was arranged. We checked what we had booked in and planned it properly. And it was working. I went to his and then he came to mine etc. However, on the weekend beginning the 14th of Feb, he had to go home for an orthodontist appointment. So I said I'd go home too so we could carry on meeting up, even though I was going home the week before. I had no other reason to go home, apart from to hang out with Jordan. So yeah. Context sorted.
Now, the week before I'd been messing around and it annoyed Jordan and for the rest of the week we didn't really talk much, but I thought we could sort it out on Friday when I drove him home. Hmmm.... So he got in the car and apart from saying hi and how have things been our conversation didn't exactly bloom. So to start one off, I asked whether "he'd like to see the Lego Movie tonight" (as I was under the impression that we'd only be hanging out at either one of our houses or maybe going for dinner this evening and none of those sounded particularly interesting). However, he needed to know a time because he'd arranged to have Chinese at home tonight.... So obviously I voiced my confusion at his reply and it turned out that he'd forgotten all about meeting up and the next time we would see each other was on Sunday morning to take him back to Birmingham. Basically I was a taxi so he could save money on train tickets. Bastard.
I don't know whether I overreacted but all I know is that I drove all the way home, just to sit around until I had to take him back.... And I wasn't very amused. In fact, we had also arranged for him to come over earlier in the week but when he got upset with me he said he wasn't coming. And later on he said he wouldn't have minded coming, but he was too stubborn to say yes (he actually admitted his stubbornness was the only reason he didn't come). Though I suppose it was good he didn't come over in the end because I invited Ollie instead because I have really missed him and he was great with the kids.
So yeah, I went back at 8:30 on Saturday night. Didn't get in until 11:15 due to various roadworks etc. but it was worth it. Because 1. I didn't have to deal with an hour long journey filled with tense silence, and 2. I woke up to a very relaxed morning as I sorted my essay stuff and read before Quidditch which would otherwise have been filled with point 1.
Sometimes I get very frustrated with him. But he always convinces me its just one of the downs in the relationship and that it will get better, but to be honest, we never talk properly any more and when we do, its mostly disagreements. I'm not happy, and haven't been for a while, but he always convinces me otherwise. I know its going to happen again, and yet I'm stuck in the cycle.
Help.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAA
So not writing on here didn't last long did it?!
Fuck it.
I just need somewhere to vent and this seems like the place that I use most. So lets go.
Now my first semester of uni, though stressful was kinda alright. I made some good friends and Jordan and I were closer than ever over Christmas. I suppose that was due to me being the most stable I'd been in a long time. Still. Apart from being tired from all the revision I was (supposed to be) doing, it was going pretty well. And when I went back after Christmas things were even better. I had great nights in with people I care about and I chatted and met up with Jordan whenever I could. Surprisingly this was only like a month ago but for some reason, it feels longer, just because I cant remember when I was last genuinely happy. I know it was in January sometime, but sometime between then and now, I don't know, I just switched off. Things are boring again. Also I have a terrible memory so maybe that's got something to do with it.
I still enjoy talking to people, in fact, that's a weird thing. I just want to talk all the time. Which is new because usually when this sort of thing happens I close up an block everything out. This time though, every moment I'm awake I think about who I can talk to and how to feel good again. Sometimes just talking to people about how I'm feeling is enough to make me feel a little better, and I'm thankful for that. I suppose I'm relying on people again, like I used to back at school before all the "things" happened. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not too sure right now. Probably bad because in the long run, people let you down. But I'm glad that I'm trusting people enough to let them help me. I have Jordan to thank for that I suppose. :) He's usually a big help with these things, though lately I've been relying on twilight more. I suppose that's because he's here whenever I need him, and we can talk in person, whereas its hit and miss whether Jordan will reply or not, and when he does he's usually distracted with more important things at his end. It's much easier to feel better when someone can comfort you properly, face to face, and give you their full attention.
Saying that, I'm really conflicted about Jordan again. I know I love him. A lot. He's my best friend. But every time we're apart its like he's in the background of my life, and while I try to get conversations going (and he does too) talking is becoming... like I dunno, a struggle (at least it feels that way to me). Some of the time. And usually it ends with me being frustrated that I cant be with him, which then in turn affects how I come across in our messages (I start getting snappy and I know it annoys him). I'm just very envious of all the people who can hang out with him every day. And I know that's a very clingy/psychotic thing to be saying, but I wish he lived a little closer so we could actually chat face to face more often. Its only been two weeks, but I suppose I would have like a proper talk with him in that time. When I get all muddled up like this, I sorta need that close contact. :/
Gosh this is longer than I intended it to be.
I guess I just want to say that I'm trying to be better, but I know I'll act weird some of the time and I want to get happy again. As long as I stay trusting of people (my friends), this 'boredom' might end soon. Then again, how long will the reprieve last? Because I know I'm just going to get worse again sooner or later. Things were going way too well.
People hate people who moan so I'll stop this now and do some work.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Fuck it.
I just need somewhere to vent and this seems like the place that I use most. So lets go.
Now my first semester of uni, though stressful was kinda alright. I made some good friends and Jordan and I were closer than ever over Christmas. I suppose that was due to me being the most stable I'd been in a long time. Still. Apart from being tired from all the revision I was (supposed to be) doing, it was going pretty well. And when I went back after Christmas things were even better. I had great nights in with people I care about and I chatted and met up with Jordan whenever I could. Surprisingly this was only like a month ago but for some reason, it feels longer, just because I cant remember when I was last genuinely happy. I know it was in January sometime, but sometime between then and now, I don't know, I just switched off. Things are boring again. Also I have a terrible memory so maybe that's got something to do with it.
I still enjoy talking to people, in fact, that's a weird thing. I just want to talk all the time. Which is new because usually when this sort of thing happens I close up an block everything out. This time though, every moment I'm awake I think about who I can talk to and how to feel good again. Sometimes just talking to people about how I'm feeling is enough to make me feel a little better, and I'm thankful for that. I suppose I'm relying on people again, like I used to back at school before all the "things" happened. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not too sure right now. Probably bad because in the long run, people let you down. But I'm glad that I'm trusting people enough to let them help me. I have Jordan to thank for that I suppose. :) He's usually a big help with these things, though lately I've been relying on twilight more. I suppose that's because he's here whenever I need him, and we can talk in person, whereas its hit and miss whether Jordan will reply or not, and when he does he's usually distracted with more important things at his end. It's much easier to feel better when someone can comfort you properly, face to face, and give you their full attention.
Saying that, I'm really conflicted about Jordan again. I know I love him. A lot. He's my best friend. But every time we're apart its like he's in the background of my life, and while I try to get conversations going (and he does too) talking is becoming... like I dunno, a struggle (at least it feels that way to me). Some of the time. And usually it ends with me being frustrated that I cant be with him, which then in turn affects how I come across in our messages (I start getting snappy and I know it annoys him). I'm just very envious of all the people who can hang out with him every day. And I know that's a very clingy/psychotic thing to be saying, but I wish he lived a little closer so we could actually chat face to face more often. Its only been two weeks, but I suppose I would have like a proper talk with him in that time. When I get all muddled up like this, I sorta need that close contact. :/
Gosh this is longer than I intended it to be.
I guess I just want to say that I'm trying to be better, but I know I'll act weird some of the time and I want to get happy again. As long as I stay trusting of people (my friends), this 'boredom' might end soon. Then again, how long will the reprieve last? Because I know I'm just going to get worse again sooner or later. Things were going way too well.
People hate people who moan so I'll stop this now and do some work.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
It's Over
So... I've decided to make this public. Finally.
Like no-one is going to read it.
But blogging has become a bore and I cba anymore.
So while I'm not posting anything, I'll let other people have a glimpse into my thoughts.
Perhaps it will help people think things through differently.
Perhaps it will disturb them.
Maybe they'll skip past because they don't care (that's gonna be the majority) but this seems like a fun idea right now so.... cool.
Maybe I'll come back one day....
Until then..... Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Like no-one is going to read it.
But blogging has become a bore and I cba anymore.
So while I'm not posting anything, I'll let other people have a glimpse into my thoughts.
Perhaps it will help people think things through differently.
Perhaps it will disturb them.
Maybe they'll skip past because they don't care (that's gonna be the majority) but this seems like a fun idea right now so.... cool.
Maybe I'll come back one day....
Until then..... Over and out,
Gloves. xx
BOOOOORRREEEDDDD.
I'm so bored! Like.... nothing is interesting any more.
Life is just.... there.
To the point where sleeping is boring.
Being creative is boring.
Hell, even MUSIC is boring?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. But I'd like it to change now.
It's getting tiring, being bored all the time.
Meh.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Life is just.... there.
To the point where sleeping is boring.
Being creative is boring.
Hell, even MUSIC is boring?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. But I'd like it to change now.
It's getting tiring, being bored all the time.
Meh.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
BQC!!! :3
I am officially part of the Quidditch team at Keele university!!! :D
Over the 8th-10th we went to the British Quidditch Cup and came 2nd (after losing to Oxford in the final)
We are 2 out of 30 teams in the country!!!
And everyone on the team is awesome. I want to make sure we're all friends for more than uni because they are honestly the nicest people I've met here so far. Twilight, Stalker and Tom especially :)
Had several spooning fests and movie nights with those three for the days following the tournament as well. I love 'em so much. <3
Also, white t-shirt parties are literally the funnest socials ever. I am still running on the high from the weekend. Can't wait for training on Sunday!!!
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Over the 8th-10th we went to the British Quidditch Cup and came 2nd (after losing to Oxford in the final)
We are 2 out of 30 teams in the country!!!
And everyone on the team is awesome. I want to make sure we're all friends for more than uni because they are honestly the nicest people I've met here so far. Twilight, Stalker and Tom especially :)
Had several spooning fests and movie nights with those three for the days following the tournament as well. I love 'em so much. <3
Also, white t-shirt parties are literally the funnest socials ever. I am still running on the high from the weekend. Can't wait for training on Sunday!!!
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
Sunday, 20 October 2013
University Life
So I haven't written in a while.
I don't suppose I've needed to. I've been okay. A little rocky with Jordan every now and then. We're on this not-quite-a-break thing right now. Everything will be okay though. it always is, and then I get stressed again.
I've been having my odd mood swings again which sucks quite a lot.
It just hurts.
And more people are becoming aware that there's something wrong with me. That hurts too. They will think I'm a creep if they find out much more.
In other news, I made friends at uni. Crazy right? Not that I'm good enough with many of them to say we'll be friends for more than a year. I'm not going to count on it. I'm not going to rely on it. I don't need people any more. Just the four close friends I have right now.
But yeah. I'll update a little later probably. Let you know how I'm coping.
Oh, and here's something I wrote on the back of my to-do list earlier in the week:
"If you don't notice, I'm coping successfully.
If you do, I'm not doing so well.
But I'll be okay eventually."
I dunno. I like my mind when it's all like that. It's inspirational to myself when I'm feeling crappy again.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
I don't suppose I've needed to. I've been okay. A little rocky with Jordan every now and then. We're on this not-quite-a-break thing right now. Everything will be okay though. it always is, and then I get stressed again.
I've been having my odd mood swings again which sucks quite a lot.
It just hurts.
And more people are becoming aware that there's something wrong with me. That hurts too. They will think I'm a creep if they find out much more.
In other news, I made friends at uni. Crazy right? Not that I'm good enough with many of them to say we'll be friends for more than a year. I'm not going to count on it. I'm not going to rely on it. I don't need people any more. Just the four close friends I have right now.
But yeah. I'll update a little later probably. Let you know how I'm coping.
Oh, and here's something I wrote on the back of my to-do list earlier in the week:
"If you don't notice, I'm coping successfully.
If you do, I'm not doing so well.
But I'll be okay eventually."
I dunno. I like my mind when it's all like that. It's inspirational to myself when I'm feeling crappy again.
Over and out,
Gloves. xx
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